This is not my ceiling
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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