Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A+ Viking dick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So. Much. Porn.
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