my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
