i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
