just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
