I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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