if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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