for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
