barbara walters just said penis...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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