moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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