Your face is a jimmy john
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
