Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
