Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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