btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize