When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
