WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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