if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
