She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need water and some morals
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
