im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
