i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
