..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
