my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
