the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
