I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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