he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
