Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
