I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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