matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize