I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
