Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
