do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
wow bdsm is so cute
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
