She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
