Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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