I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
