We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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