I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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