I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
