How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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