I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
