The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize