ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
