Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
