At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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