Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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