we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
