Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
