when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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