be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
