the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
