dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
