I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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