I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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