i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
