so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So many bounce houses so little time
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
