I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
