i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
