Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize