I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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