trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
