Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
