nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
